


For All The Things My Hands Have Held

by hufflepirate



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: (in the epilogue), Accidental Baby Acquisition, Babies, Baby Names, Caretaking, Caves, Claustrophobia, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, Mass Graves, Names, Panic Attacks, Pet Names, Sleepy Cuddles, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Teambuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-10-05 21:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20495786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hufflepirate/pseuds/hufflepirate
Summary: Zolf had a hard enough time keeping his emotions in check even without complications - and an orphaned baby kobold is an awfully big complication. Zolf angsts. Hamid displays significant personal growth. Azu toughs out some tight spaces. Cel makes baby formula. Everyone grows closer. [Aka: The accidental baby acquisition fic I'm glad I wrote.]Trigger warnings for the aftermath of a massacre. No actual violence, but fairly significant attention on the remnants of violence. Other than that, no major archive warnings apply, but I wasn't confident enough about whether it counted as graphic depictions of violence or not to label it that way. I guess just check the tags?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Now that this has been up for a while, I feel I should clarify that when I wrote this I picked baby kobold because I thought "Oh, you know what d&d/pathfinder race I love that has never appeared in rqg? Kobolds." And then they got under the island and found kobolds. And I was like. Wat. Alexander. How.
> 
> So, to be the most clear, this is not an AU where Skraak and them are all dead, it is an AU where the entire kobold sitch was completely different from the jump.

Zolf was on edge long before the heart-rending screech came out of the next room. He'd been underground since Paris - of _course_ he had - but being back underground with Hamid was something else. And being back underground with Hamid and a near-stranger Hamid treated like an old friend and a new person the three of them had dragged into danger from their happy probably-slightly-less-dangerous life protecting just a single town -

The scream made his heart skip a beat, and he regretted them having split up, no matter how small the area they'd divided themselves among was.

That didn't mean he wasn't going to investigate.

He tightened his grip on his glaive and walked cautiously toward the door, glad for the hundredth time since he got his new legs that they were much quieter than his peg leg had been.

The smell of death met him as he opened the door. He was surprised he hadn't smelled it already. The room was the largest one they'd found yet, and he didn't doubt that the smaller rooms the rest of the team was searching linked to it, too. It was a bath house, or something of the sort, with a large pool in the middle that he immediately recognized as the source of the smell.

It wasn't the source of the screaming, which was a small mercy. The water in the pool was red and he could see the vague forms of bodies half-submerged beneath the still surface. Anything in there wasn't alive. Not anymore.

Cel burst out of a door not far from him, their crossbow in hand, but he'd already identified the cabinet against the wall that he thought the sound was coming from, and he held a hand up to stop them from shooting.

"What's going on?"

Their voice echoed in the room, and the screeching echoed back, and Zolf took a deep breath.

"It's got to be over there." He gestured with the glaive. "Stay at a distance, and watch my back. It's either what killed these people or it isn't. And if it's small enough to fit in a cabinet, my money's on that it isn't."

"It could be invisible."

The corner of his mouth quirked up in spite of himself. "Simple solutions first. Complicated ones later."

Cel loosened their grip on the crossbow, shrugging. "Seems dangerous to me, but alright." They didn't remove the bolt from the bow, and they didn't turn it away from the cabinet.

He could hear Hamid and Azu catching up with them behind him as he approached the cabinet, their feet echoing loudly as they burst through one of the doors. Probably not the one Cel was still in front of, but maybe. He kept moving, his back straight. Best not to show any fear. They had his back. That was... nice.

He pried the doors to the cabinet open with the blade of his glaive, ready to stab anything that leapt out at him.

The screaming got louder.

He almost dropped the weapon in surprise.

"What is it?" Azu shouted, "I'm coming!"

Half his brain thought he should answer, but the other half had made sense of what was in front of his face, and he shushed her instead.

The thing in the cabinet was an infant, and it was lying in a nest of towels, and it was much too thin and, from the smell, had soiled itself.

He propped his glaive against the side of the cabinet and carefully scooped the baby kobold up, tucking it against his chest.

When he turned around, Azu stopped short, skidding a little on the stone floor with the momentum from how fast she'd been charging toward him.

"It's so _little_!" Cel gasped, sounding almost gleeful, even from this distance.

Azu started moving again. "Oh, Aphrodite help us-"

"I don't -" he started, "I still have some of the magic, but I'm not - I was never the kind of cleric that -"

Azu's hand could have wrapped around the baby's entire body, but she was careful as she laid it against its tummy. Both she and the infant glowed bright pink and the baby stopped screaming.

"It's not-" she said, "I haven't fed them. And they're not - this is bad."

"No," he said, looking down at the baby in his arms. "This is good. We've got here on time, probably. And it's not -" he glanced meaningfully over at the bloody tub.

Cel almost slammed into Azu in their excitement as they joined them. "Look at the little feet! And the little toes! Look at your teeny toesies!" They sounded delighted. He was glad _someone _was.

Hamid was stood at the edge of the pool, looking in. "Do you think their parents are-"

"They have to be," Zolf answered, "Or they would have come back. You don't hide a baby from a massacre to just leave it in a cabinet if you survive. And nobody's been here in a couple of days. We worked that out when we got here."

Hamid looked shaken, even after everything they'd seen and done and been through.

"This is - this is _wrong_," he said. "Whoever's done this and then just _left _them here -"

"I don't think they left them," Azu said, "I think they dragged them in here because it was convenient and just didn't bother actually burying them."

She looked angry.

As Hamid turned back toward the pool, he did too.

"The baby needs diapers," Zolf said, raising his voice a little in the hope that he could get ahead of them before they charged off after justice. "And it'll need to be fed."

Cel squeezed themself between Azu and Zolf to stroke a finger along the baby's head, like they were stroking the hair it didn't have. "Don't worry, itty-bitty-tiny one! We'll get you all taken care of! I'm sure I've got something we can repurpose in my pack." They plopped down on the floor right there and started digging through their bag of alchemical supplies and who knew what else.

Zolf cleared his throat to catch their attention before he said, "I was thinking of using the towels, but if you've got something better that's fine."

Cel looked up startled, then laughed, their voice sounding half startled and half apologetic. "No, no, you've got a point there. I'm sure I've got scissors! If I can just find-" They muttered and grumbled and said things under their breath that he couldn't quite hear, but after a moment, they had provided a pair of scissors and Hamid was starting to carefully cut towels into diapers.

"I'm sure I've got some goat's milk, but it might be a bit old. Or I could cobble something together with herbs and - no, but I'd still need - unless I can -" Cel dropped suddenly into Japanese that didn't sound any clearer than their ramblings in English had, but Zolf could pick out a few curse words here and there, and decided not to ask.

He stepped away from them, leaving them to whatever they were working on now, which might or might not have been baby formula.

Azu shadowed him. "They're just so _tiny_," she said quietly, "Even when people in the village had babies, they weren't _this _small."

Hamid turned his head as Zolf approached, his hands stilling on the towels he was cutting as he got a good look at the baby for the first time. "I - when you first turned around, I thought they were about the size of a halfling baby, but they're much too thin. And that's not _just_ because halfling babies tend to be chubby, is it?." The frown line between his eyes was deep and troubled and Zolf suddenly felt out of his depth. Hamid had little brothers. He'd talked about them before. And Azu had worked with babies, and Cel's mutterings seemed as expert as they ever did.

"It's alright," Zolf said, hoping they didn't realize just how much he didn't know that it was actually true. "We got here, and we're going to help."

Watching Azu change the baby's diaper made Zolf feel both anxious and useless. He leaned on his glaive, trying to memorize the process as Azu moved as slowly and carefully as he'd ever seen her, clearly terrified of hurting the baby when it was small enough to fit in one of her hands.

Even Hamid's sudden "Oh! I can help!" and the flurry of handkerchiefs that accompanied it, gently wiping the baby's bum, weren't quite enough to cut the tension.

But then the baby was diapered and she was back in his arms, and things felt better. Safer. At least for now.

Cel realized the rest of them were watching after about 30 seconds of staring, which was pretty good, all things considered. They looked up, laughing uncomfortably. "Oh! Yes. I suppose you're wanting to keep moving, eh? I think I can work up something for them when we stop for a real rest, but I found the goat's milk for now and it's not too old, I don't think. I put some things in it to make it last longer, but they shouldn't hurt the baby."

They held out an open vial, then stopped. "Oh. Hmm. Just another tick. I'm sure I have some rubber in here that would work for -" They rummaged through their bag again, making a face. "Hmm, might not be the cleanest, though. Need to get it clean somehow-"

"I can do that," Hamid said, "And then I'd better carry her once we get going. You need both hands for your crossbow, and Zolf needs them for his glaive, and I always try to stay the farthest out of the fray anyway. Just - in case something happens. I can do some of my spells without my hands at all, and a lot of them with one hand."

Zolf nodded. Before he could answer, Cel gave a cry of victory and raised a bit of rubber up over their head.

It took almost no time for Hamid to clean it up, and what felt like _too _much time for Cel to shape it into something that would cover the top of the vial and work as a nipple the baby could suck on.

It took long enough for Azu to start fishing bodies out of the pool so that they could be laid properly to rest.

There were too many bodies. Whatever had happened here had been bad. Whatever had happened here had been recent. That didn't bode well for the five of them. Zolf tried to convince himself that that was all that was bothering him about it. After all, the whole world was at war. He had seen worse things. He had seen - _different_ things, and that might be the problem with his feelings. None of the bodies had blue veins. They were just - bodies. And he didn't know who had killed them.

Once the bottle was ready, he slid the baby wordlessly into Hamid's arms and went to join Azu at the side of the pool, knowing full well that now that she'd started this, they weren't going to be leaving until it was done. He'd been a cleric once, after all. He remembered. But then, it had never been for him like it was for Azu.

He resisted one of his rare urges to pray. It had been a long time since he'd felt that urge, but it wasn't too hard to tamp down.

The unpleasant sights and sounds and smells of more properly interring the bodies weren't the kind of thing he'd usually want to lose himself into, but at least it was something. At least they were moving. At least while he had a project - for the baby, or for her murdered people - he didn't have to think about how much more danger they were in now that they had an infant to look after.

By the time he and Azu were done, the vial was empty and the baby was asleep against Hamid's chest, snuggled so cozily that he could almost pretend she was tired from eating, and not from having nearly starved.

"Be careful," he said, "She might vomit if she ate too much too fast."

Hamid hugged her just the slightest bit tighter to his chest. "It doesn't matter," he said stubbornly, "As long as she's getting healthy."

Zolf nodded curtly. There was so much here he didn't want to face. He'd thought, with everything going on, that he'd run out of things he didn't want to think about or square up against, but now Hamid was practically volunteering to be vomited on, and they were together underground again, and Bertie and Sasha were gone, and Azu and Cel were here, and there was a colony of dead kobolds left to rot, and he was somehow going to have to shepherd a baby through all this, too, because he was the one who knew things. The one with the background. The one who'd been here to know.

Azu stepped up to him gingerly enough that he was certain some of the storm inside him must be showing on his face. "We need to either stay here or keep moving," she said, "Now that they're not - now that they're taken care of. We can stay here, where we know whatever did this thinks there's nothing left to fight, and we can pray over the bodies a little more, but I don't think that's what they need, right now. Or we can keep going and we can avenge this. And all the rest of it."

Zolf nodded. "Yeah. We need to move on before it gets to be night up top. While there's a better chance that anybody else who's been coming down here is away."

They left the room with Zolf in the front and Cel and Azu flanking Hamid behind him, forming a triangle around the halfling and the baby. He'd often been glad to have a reach weapon, but now he was glad less for the actual reach than he was for the excuse to take the point. He still felt like a storm, and he needed to work it out, or get too tired for it to show, before they stopped for the night.


	2. Chapter 2

The baby slept against Hamid's chest for a decent way down the tunnel, but when she woke up, she woke up _screaming_, and no amount of bouncing or humming or gentle shushing from Hamid could quiet her down.

Zolf waved the group to a stop and turned around to talk to the others, keeping his ears focused in the direction they'd been headed.

"I'm sorry!" Hamid said, "I think she's just hungry again. And I don't have any more milk to give her."

Cel frowned. "I've been thinking about that the whole way down here. I don't have the things I need to make the same formula I've made before, but I have some of the things, so I think I can approximate _something _for her."

Zolf nodded, trying to look more confident than he felt. "That's good." He'd considered the problem as they were walking. He hadn't come up with anything better than 'maybe if we chew up some of our food for her she can eat it,' and he wasn't sure he'd have been confident about that on a baby's stomach even without the starvation. Then again, if Cel was just _experimenting_, that didn't sound safe either.

"Maybe one of us should drink some first, just to make sure it's safe," Hamid suggested, and Zolf immediately wished he'd said it first. Cel's eyes narrowed, but for once, rather than shrinking down under it, Hamid raised his chin, holding the baby close.

Zolf cleared his throat. The _last _thing he needed was any more friction between Cel and Hamid.

Azu spoke up, which was good, because he hadn't planned what he was going to say any farther than 'look suitably stern and maybe they'll stop.'

"Actually, I've been thinking about that," she said, "Do we actually know that kobolds _need _milk? They're warm-blooded, but that doesn't have to mean milk, especially since they're not exactly mammals."

Hamid was bouncing up and down on his heels, rocking the baby to try to calm her. "I don't know," he answered, "I mean, the thing about Draconic people groups is that they _are _compatible with mammals." He blushed slightly. "I mean, I don't know what my ancestors were like... farther back... but-"

"No, you're right," Azu interrupted, bailing him out of the sentence. He looked relieved. "It's definitely something to consider while we're trying to figure it out."

Cel made a face. "Well, now I _do _feel silly, because you know, I never asked. Adult kobold's'll eat anything, like us, but I never really interacted with the babies at the time."

Zolf nodded. "Well, that's something, anyway. Hopefully it means we can find _something _she can eat before we get a chance to do more research. For now, we'd better find a place to lay low and set up camp for the evening.

The rest of the group made vague noises of agreement, and Zolf took advantage of the moment to lead them onward, eyes peeled for any little side cavern that would hold them for the evening without making Azu want to claw at the walls. Cel only had so many reduce potions to take the edge off of the underground for her.

He sighed, hoping the rest of the team wouldn't hear him. This had been meant to be simple. Just follow the natural caverns the bad guys had tunneled into as a last-minute escape, find them, and get out. Or get out and then find them. Easy. Straightforward. Why could nothing _ever _be easy and straightforward? He'd hoped to be outside by now. He'd hoped to be making progress. He'd hoped not to have a dozen worries and only most of an idea of where he was going. But he wasn't out, and he _did _have things to worry about, and he straightened his spine and kept going.

******

By the time they found a cave, the baby had tired herself out with screaming and was just making little, soft, exhausted fussing noises in Hamid's arms. It wasn't actually any less upsetting to listen to. It was only less loud.

The moment they were inside, Hamid went straight for the straightest, smoothest bit of the cave wall and slid down it to sit on the ground, the baby still clutched protectively against his chest. He looked exhausted, and Zolf wasn't sure if it was from the screaming, or the walking, or the long day, or the emotions.

Either way, it was hard to look at Hamid and not feel a little bit sorry for him.

"I can take her again," he offered, "If your arms are getting tired and you need a break."

Hamid's voice was soft as he answered, "No, that's alright. I think she's about to fall asleep again, so it's probably best to leave her alone."

Zolf nodded. "We'll work out something. If we can get her fed, it'll be easier to keep her calm."

Hamid nodded, but there was a tightness in his eyes, and Zolf felt a sudden urge to look away.

Azu was setting up camp, laying out bedrolls in the center of the space where there was the most breathing room and keeping her focus intently on the tasks her hands were doing, rather than anything else. Cel was by the entrance, already setting up as much as they could of a miniature lab, all the seemingly-random stuff in their bag laid out in what was at least theoretically some kind of meaningful order.

Everything suddenly hit him again, standing still in this small, cozy space full of people he was starting to grow accustomed to. They had a baby, and she had been starving, and whatever they could scrape together to do about it was going to be insufficient.

He turned back toward Hamid so the others couldn't see, and rubbed a hand over his face, sighing deeply. "If it's not easier, we'll just be more careful to take turns, I guess. Or I'll take her."

Hamid was too quick, even as tired as he was, to miss Zolf's meaning. His brows furrowed. "You think even if we come up with our _best _solution, it might not be enough to get her healthy."

Zolf glanced over his shoulder at the others, but they didn't seem to be listening. He crouched down on his mechanical legs, and lowered his voice so that he could keep their conversation private.

"I think we can keep her alive. I think if we can get out of here, we can do more than that. But those men who came through and did this - it would have been more merciful if they'd killed her than if she'd starved to death in that cabinet. It would have been quicker, and she wouldn't have been alone."

"_Those men_ didn't leave her," Hamid said, his voice tight and stubborn. "Her family did, and it was because they believed if she was safe, there would be someone left to find her. And they were _right_. It was _us_."

"I know that. I do. And I'm - if the best we can do is to make her more comfortable and keep her from being alone, that's still better. But I don't want everybody walking around thinking we're going to have her happy and healthy in a couple of days. If we'd found her sooner, sure, but -" he cursed. "If I find out how they knew we were coming I'll drown whoever told them myself. Just like the old Poseidon days."

Hamid looked down, pulling the baby slightly closer. "You think they drilled through into those caverns because of us. You think they were preparing their escape route just in case, before we even got far enough to make them actually use it." His face was already shifting toward guilt, and Zolf felt another spike of something in his chest.

"I think the timeline checks out that way, yeah," he answered, "But that doesn't make it our fault. We had to stop them, regardless. And they shouldn't have known we were coming. We're not responsible for them making a choice we didn't even know was on the table. But we can still do something about it now that it's done."

Hamid nodded. The baby had fallen asleep. Zolf straightened up to his feet, and tried to pretend he didn't feel guilty, himself, for bringing it up. Hamid was smart. He'd have worked out the implications of what they'd found eventually. It was fine. He was just being realistic. They all needed to be realistic.

As he walked away, Hamid started humming softly, and Zolf wondered whose benefit it was really for.

Checking in on Cel was easier, because they were, as usual, intensely occupied. He half wondered what they would have done if they'd _actually _had to spend 7 days under full observation. Probably blown up the holding cell, even without their equipment. Or dismantled the bed for parts.

"Working on the baby formula?" he asked casually.

"Yeah," they answered, "I thought about what Azu said, so I'm making some adjustments, but I still think liquids are probably safer on her stomach. She did take a while to work out the nipple on the bottle, but that could have been because it wasn't a real nipple. But then, you don't really think of kobolds as having nipples, do you? I never asked about that, either."

"And we didn't really examine the bodies, beyond knowing they were murdered," Zolf said, "Though I don't know how much it would have helped. They were pretty far gone."

Cel shrugged, looking uncomfortable. "Ehhh, biology's not really my bag. I've already got chemistry and physics, and that's enough for now."

He nodded.

They launched immediately into a different topic, talking a mile a minute. "_Any_way, I've got some chemical compounds that I think I can use to get some of our standard rations liquified without hurting her - it won't be just acid or anything, you know, and I have some mixtures in here that are components of the haste potion, but if I can take out some of the hastier bits, I think I can pull extra nutrients from them without making her - you know. It'll be fine. I just have to not take any potions for a while so I can be sure nothing changes me when I drink it. And then we'll see how much I can get made. You don't have any more rations kicking about, do you? Nothing extra in your bag? Snacks? Treats? Trail mix?"

"Not for a while, no. You might ask Hamid."

Cel made a soft displeased noise in the back of their throat, but the mild, low-level tension between the two of them was still one more thing than he wanted to deal with right now, so Zolf just rolled his eyes.

He turned around to look back at Hamid, about to go ask him about any spare food he'd packed, and realized Azu had finished setting up a small campsite and was standing aimlessly off to the side of it, staring wistfully at Hamid and the baby from half the cave away. Hamid was watching the baby sleep as he hummed softly to her, and he didn't seem to have noticed Azu yet.

Changing course, Zolf went up to Azu and put a hand on her elbow.

She jumped just a little bit, startled. Then she met his eyes and seemed to come back to herself. "Sorry. I was just thinking."

"What about?"

Azu was silent for a long moment, looking back over at Hamid and the baby. "Do you think there are more down here? Should we be looking for other survivors? Other groups? Or is she just -" Azu waved a hand, unusually lost for words

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "I don't think we'll find survivors, but it's pretty clear these passageways aren't new. There might be more people down here. And if we find another group of kobolds, we'll need to make sure they're ready for anyone else who might come through. If they _can_ be ready."

"We can get them ready," Cel interjected. When he turned to look at them, they were still looking at the vials in front of them, like they'd been before, but this time he noticed the slight tilt of their head to put the good ear more in their direction than the bad one. "We've done it before," they added.

"And if we don't find anyone, we keep going until we can strike them down," Azu said. She hadn't looked away from Hamid when Cel talked. She wasn't looking away from Hamid now.

"Yes," Zolf agreed, accepting that this was just the conversation they were having now. He shouldn't really have expected the others to let him handle it all, anyway. He shouldn't really have expected them not to make everything harder and more complicated and more - just more.

"They're a bunch of poopyheads," Cel declared, "And if we don't find them down here, and we don't find them after we get out the other end, I say we come back to put some traps by where they left the kobolds. Get 'em while they're not expecting it."

Azu nodded. "An ambush. I think -" she paused, then started again, more confidently. "In this case, I could stay underground for an ambush."

"Oh, yeah!" Cel said, "That would be _way _simpler than what I was thinking of."

Sometimes he would have drawn them back to the present, to their more immediate concerns. This time, he just said, "They won't get away with this," and left the other two to it.

He was surprised how good it felt, letting everything go and just losing himself to the flood of everyone else getting out their anger. The plans were mostly useless, and they didn't make any of the immediate problems go away, and he wasn't sure why the pressure in his chest had started to ease. It just had.

When he made his way back over to Hamid, the sorcerer looked up at him and smiled, even though his face had still looked troubled just a moment before. That felt good, too.


	3. Chapter 3

The baby drank Cel's formula like she was still starving, and Zolf wasn't sure whether that was a good sign or a bad one.

He nodded along when Cel said that she must like it, so it was probably alright and they should probably make more. He smiled back when Hamid beamed at him and exclaimed that she seemed a lot more alert than she had before. He patted Azu on the back when she gave him an excited hug because they might have actually figured it out.

He also took the first watch with the baby once they were finally ready to go to bed, unable to let go of the fear that something could go wrong at any second.

Hamid was at least right that the baby was more alert for now. After her milk, she'd fallen straight to sleep, but the formula seemed to have strengthened her without the same drowsiness. Her golden eyes stared up at him in the dark, focusing on his face and then losing the focus. She waved her tiny arms and legs just a little bit, and focused her eyes on him again.

He knew he should be looking out for danger, directing his attention toward the entrance to their cave or the soft dripping sounds from the passageway outside it.

Instead, he found himself gazing back at the baby in his arms, unable to look away.

"Why are you the thing that scares me?" he whispered, "Of all the things in the world, why you?"

She made a soft noise in response to the sound, but he couldn't even begin to guess what it might mean.

"I handled the whole plague thing better than Wilde did, you know. I handled it better than most people."

This time, there was no answer, just another flinging outward of too-skinny baby limbs, and another concentrated effort to focus her eyes on his face.

He checked that the others were actually asleep, then leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead.

That got another babbling answer. A happy one. He pulled her closer to his chest, and tried to ignore the way it ached like it was hollow inside.

She nuzzled into the warmth of his body, and he closed his eyes, just feeling her there for a moment.

Then he opened them again. Watch. He was on watch.

He whispered even more softly than before, right at the softest edge of his voice. "I promise, I will make the time you have with us better than the alternative. I will make you as comfortable and happy and healthy as I can. I can't promise you'll live. I can't even promise the rest of us will. But I promise I will make the best for you I know how to make. And that's going to have to be enough."

The baby cooed.

_God, I hope it's enough,_ he thought. If it wasn't, he didn't know how he'd face Hamid and the others. He didn't know how he'd face himself. He didn't know how he'd gotten here. But this time - _maybe it will be enough._

The baby in his arms looked surprised for a moment and then started crying, and he realized that her own pee had scared her.

He changed her diaper, focusing on the task at hand and trying to remind himself that he wasn't useless anymore. He wasn't a liability. He could take care of himself. He could take care of them all.

Even in a clean new diaper, the baby fussed until he picked her back up off the blanket he'd laid on the floor. She'd been doing that all evening. He hugged her close to him again.

Wilde had told him the mission had to come first. He remembered thinking maybe that would let him work with this team - with _Hamid_ \- without losing control like he had before. He remembered believing he could close off that part of his heart and be practical and not worry about his position in the team, or his obligations to them, or their needs, or their emotions, or his own feelings, or any of it. But now-

"What have I done, little one?" he whispered. "What am I _doing_?"

After a moment of quiet, staring up at his face, she started fussing again, and he got up to retrieve another bottle of formula from where Cel had left it at the edge of their makeshift lab.

"That's right," he whispered, "I'm feeding you."

The baby drank greedily again, forcing him to keep taking the bottle away and then returning it, like Hamid had before, so that she wouldn't make herself ill by eating too fast.

She had gas and spat up and cried about both, and he rocked her and bounced her and patted her back and tried to keep from waking the others.

She quieted, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

She fell asleep in his arms, and he kissed her forehead again before he could check the impulse.

He'd broken his promise to Wilde.

It was stupid, breaking his promise.

He was only going to hurt himself, only going to spin himself out further until he felt lost in his own feelings, drowning in the million complexities of caring about other people.

The baby slept in his arms.

He looked down at her eyelids, surprisingly delicate amongst the copper scales, darker than the ones Hamid had sometimes, but with the same faint metallic sheen. He looked at her claws, tangled in the very bottom of his beard, but not pulling hard enough for him to notice. He looked at her belly, visibly full beneath a too-thin layer of baby fat, almost no baby fat at all.

He'd made a new promise.

He only hoped it was the right one.

******

The nice thing about having had first watch was that every time the baby cried loudly enough to wake him up, Zolf could ignore it and go back to sleep.

The bad thing about it was that both ignoring and going back to sleep were harder than they sounded, and no matter how strong the impulse was, he didn't have any good excuse to get back up to help. The others had things well in hand, and only one of them could hold her at once.

The night passed in flashes.

Sometimes, he thought the others knew he was awake.

Sometimes, he knew they didn't.

Sometimes, he was only barely awake, and it didn't matter one way or another.

He half-heard Cel explaining some chemical process and rolled over as subtly as he could to look at them and the baby, over in their lab. Cel wasn't doing any of their mad science. They were just pointing and explaining and cooing "that's right" at the baby any time she responded to something. It was... oddly soothing. Reassuring. Relaxing.

His eyes fluttered open again, blearier from more sleep, to see the half-elf bouncing on their heels and swaying with the infant in their arms. That was alright. He breathed in and out and his eyes slid back closed.

He drifted awake to lullabies in languages he didn't know, and fell asleep again not minding Cel's fairly horrendous singing voice, or the way Azu's filled the space more loudly than he thought she meant it to.

Then Azu wasn't singing at all. She was shaking Hamid, calling his name a little too loud while she breathed heavily. "Hamid, I - it's - I need you to take her. I need you to take her, she's so small, and the walls, and I'm - and it - _please take her._"

Zolf was still sitting up as Hamid whispered, "It's alright, I've got her," and then, more loudly, "It's ok Zolf, you can go back to sleep."

Azu's breath came heavy and scared and Cel snored softly and Zolf stilled, unwilling to go against what was an unusually direct order from Hamid if the situation was really already handled, but equally unwilling to go back to sleep when the echoing of terrified breath told him over and over that something was wrong.

He turned his head toward the others, using the brief clarity of adrenaline to catalogue Hamid's surprisingly relaxed shoulders and firm grip on the baby. He was looking at Azu with soft eyes. "It really is alright," he whispered, still loudly enough for Zolf to know he meant it to both of them.

Azu was very decidedly _not _looking at him, her posture hunched in toward Hamid instead and - Zolf laid back down, turning away. If they wanted this to be a private moment, it could be.

The baby was making soft noises, but they weren't noises of distress, and she wasn't crying. He didn't need to get up. Shouldn't. Should let Hamid take care of Azu, because he knew her better. Because somehow, he and Hamid were underground with strangers, and one of them wasn't a stranger to Hamid at all.

"Do you need to do push-ups?" Hamid asked softly, "Like in the cell?"

Azu's "No" had a grunt on the front of it.

"You could check the corridors outside to prove to yourself that we have an exit? Oh, but they might be smaller than in here. Do you need one of Cel's Reduce potions, do you think? I can get up and get you one."

"I'd rather -" Azu took in a big gasp of air, "Save them. Just in case."

"That's alright, then. Just keep breathing. Deep breaths, and try not to close your throat up. That's what Sasha used to tell me, sometimes." He snorted lightly, "Though I think she was just saying it to get me to breathe _quieter_."

Azu didn't laugh, but her breaths did start, gradually, to slow as she tried to match them to Hamid's.

Zolf's heart felt squeezed. Hamid had come a long way. This wasn't the same scared little halfling he'd met all those months ago. But as dangerous as being responsible for other people was, as much as the responsibility and all the mess that came with it had screwed him up, it also hurt to suddenly realize how much he wasn't needed.

Hamid had moved on without him.

He and his new teammates had less time than Zolf had, and they'd still moved on.

They'd needed him for information after the time they'd lost, but they didn't need _him_.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fall asleep out of spite, but something still kept him awake, listening. It wasn't the infant. Her little baby sounds were still both few and content. Azu's breath was less easy, slow but still ragged, and Zolf was still awake.

"I'm sorry it took u-me so long to realize that you don't like tight spaces," Hamid said, "I know it's been hard for you ever since the boat."

Azu grunted again. "I'd rather not talk about that right now, please."

"Oh! No, of course not. I apologize."

"It's ok."

"No, it's not! I should have been more considerate. And here you've been, doing your best to help the rest of us and take care of the baby and everything."

"How is she? Is she alright?"

Hamid paused, then sighed with none of the tension of Azu's rough, slow breaths. "She's just fine. She's almost back to sleep again, and she never started crying. She's - I know it's all a lot, but I really _do _think she's alright."

There was another pause, and then Azu said, "I'm sorry I woke you up, then. It's just - she's _so _tiny, and I felt like - I usually feel like the walls are closing in on me, but I felt more like I was closing in on the walls, like I was getting bigger and she was getting smaller and the walls were getting nearer, and I just-"

Her voice choked off.

There was a soft rustling sound.

"Even if you were, I know you'd never have hurt her," Hamid said, his voice as soft as Zolf had ever heard it.

Azu finally laughed, a little amused hitch of breath that he might have missed if he weren't listening so hard. "I'm glad you trust me. But she's practically smaller than my hand, and I can't stop thinking about how vulnerable she is."

"Azu! Always. I trust you _always_. There's not one of us on the team that hasn't been vulnerable around you, and-" Hamid stopped suddenly. "Well," he continued, voice suddenly pained, "there wasn't one of us. But it didn't matter, because - because you took care of us. Of them. For as long as you could."

"I miss Grizzop," she said softly. "And not just because having two people who can heal is great."

Zolf wasn't sure whether to feel offended or not. He forced himself not to stiffen. He was supposed to be asleep.

"I just can't help imagining Grizzop's face when we had to stop so early for the baby. He would have been so annoyed with us for not pushing farther!"

Azu laughed in response, another soft snort. "He would have loved her, though. If we could have gotten him to slow down enough to look."

"And then he'd have taken an extra watch, because he was _sure _he didn't need as much sleep as the rest of us." They fell silent for a moment before Hamid added, "Do you think Sasha likes babies? Do you think there are babies around the others, wherever they are?"

"I think Sasha doesn't seem like a person who'd have had any experience with babies, but I bet she'd have wanted to learn. And I hope so. If it means they're safe."

There was a silence that stretched _too_ long, and Zolf found himself thinking about how very _un_safe babies could be.

When Hamid spoke again, his voice was stronger and more determined, but still quiet. "I know she's not the safest she could _ever_ be. But she's the safest she could be down _here, _and that _matters_. She's safe because we're here when we might not have been, and because you healed her when we found her, and because Cel can make her food, and because we're the only ones we _know_ are equipped to protect her. And that includes you, even if you don't do it by holding her."

The cave fell quiet again. Azu's breath didn't sound panicked anymore. Cel let out a louder-than-usual snore. Zolf sighed, finally feeling the adrenaline rush of his sudden waking ramp down, and hoped if Hamid and Azu heard, they'd assume it was a sigh in his sleep.

He wasn't even listening on purpose anymore when Azu spoke again.

"I think I'll take the front tomorrow. Unless we get somewhere too narrow for me to do the exploring."

"I think that's a good idea." Hamid's voice sounded warm. Zolf could almost _hear_ the smile in it. "Zolf's good with a weapon, but I always feel safest when I'm behind you. I know you'll keep going, even if the rest of us can't. Like with the Heart of Aphrodite."

Azu's breath huffed out again, a tiny half-laugh. "That feels like a lifetime ago."

"Nah," Hamid joked, "Just about 18 months."

This time, Azu laughed all the way, stifling her giggle a moment too late. "You're terrible. How is she?"

Hamid gasped, his voice jumping upward in pitch. "She's a good girl, isn't she? She's almost asleep again, because it's way past bedtime."

"I'm - glad I didn't freak her out too badly."

"No," Hamid answered gently, his voice dropping back down to its usual register, "You wouldn't have anyway, I don't think. I think - I _know _how young she is, but I think she knows she's safe with us. I think that's why she cried every time we tried to put her down earlier. I don't think it had anything to do with the cave floor being hard under the bedrolls. I think when we're holding her, she knows she's safe, and when we're not, she doesn't."

There was a rustling sound, louder than the ones from before.

"It's alright, kidege," Azu whispered, "We'll never leave you behind."

"I - what does 'kidege' mean? I don't think I know that."

"Little bird," Azu said in a hushed whisper Zolf barely heard.

"Mmm."

"She even looks delicate when you're the one holding her."

"I know."

"She really _is _too small, isn't she? It's not just me overreacting."

The baby made a soft fussing noise, and both Hamid and Azu snorted soft laughs.

"I think we've talked around her for too long," Hamid whispered, sidestepping the question. His voice crept up into baby talk again. "It's alright. It's alright. You're ok, and we're gonna let you sleep."

If there were still sounds of danger, Zolf might have stayed awake out of spite when Hamid switched to singing softly in Arabic. As it was, he was most of the way asleep already, and drifted off to the sound of Azu joining Hamid's lullaby with a gentle harmony.


	4. Chapter 4

Breakfast was a lengthier-than-usual affair, not because they couldn't get moving or didn't want to, but because Zolf, Hamid, and Cel each kept searching for excuses to take the baby while whoever had previously held her performed some "essential" preparation for the day.

Zolf tried to ignore the fact that Azu never held her, and pretend he hadn't stayed up listening to her and Hamid last night.

By the time they were ready to go, the baby was safely ensconced in Hamid's arms again, with both Zolf and Cel casting periodic glances at her from their positions at the back of the triangle while Azu took the front.

It was as clear as it had ever been that the people they were chasing had moved through these tunnels quickly, and with little worry that they were leaving signs behind them. It made it patently obvious that the trick wouldn't be finding them, it would be not falling far enough behind to lose them.

When the baby started crying, they kept moving, hardly even slowing down as Hamid tried to feed her on the move and held her close and rocked her and added little bounces to his steps and did his best to comfort her.

Hamid's voice was soft and gentle, but Zolf could hear the rising panic and emotion in it as he ran though one pet name after another, starting with "sweetheart" and running on through "sweetie" and "darling" and "angel" and "lamb" and "lovie" and some things in Arabic Zolf didn't recognize.

It was a relief when their own stomachs started rumbling and they had an excuse to stop.

Cel took the baby while the rest of them went through their packs for rations, since they'd already converted all of theirs into baby food. She didn't stop fussing until Zolf finished eating and took her from Cel. She turned her face into his chest with one last whimpering sob, and then quieted. The sudden silence was shocking, leaving a half ring in his ears for a moment until he could adjust again.

"How did you do that?" Cel whispered.

"I don't know," he whispered back, "Don't jinx it."

"Do you want to take the middle of the triangle when we move again?" they asked.

He frowned. "I don't know."

Hamid reached out and put a hand on his shoulder from his seat a few feet away. "It's alright, Zolf," he said quietly, "the rest of us can protect you, even if you can't use your glaive while you're holding her."

"And I've been in the front anyway," Azu added, her voice equally hushed, "So it's not too hard a transition."

Zolf wished he had time to think about it, but Cel was eating as fast as they did everything else, apparently determined to give him as little thinking time as possible and get back on the move. He sighed. "Yeah. We can do that."

Hamid leaned over to whisper to the baby, barely louder than a breath, almost too soft for Zolf to hear. "It's alright, habibti. Uncle Zolf's got you. We're going to keep you safe."

Zolf wasn't entirely sure he'd been _meant _to hear. Hamid certainly didn't look to him when he called him "Uncle Zolf," and Zolf found himself irrationally upset that Hamid might think of himself as the baby's father and of Zolf only as an uncle.

"That's right, beautiful," he whispered, "I've got you."

"We should go," Cel said, getting to their feet, "S'we can make good time while she's quiet."

If they felt any of the same irrational half-panic he did, they certainly didn't show it. Then again, they'd contrived to hold the baby as many times today as he had, so maybe they were feeling it somewhere in there and just hadn't let it show. Zolf sighed again. "Yeah."

Hamid helped him to his feet so he wouldn't lose his grip on the baby, and they set off again, with Zolf still thinking about names.

It was strange, being in the middle of the formation. He wasn't used to being the one people protected. He was used to being the one doing the protecting, if he couldn't just be alone.

He tried to think of himself as protecting the baby in his arms, but his glaive was on his back, and his hands were full, and he couldn't stop feeling the vulnerability of that wrapping itself around his shoulders and trailing, cold and itchy, down his spine.

Once she fell asleep, the feeling got even worse, since he wasn't even certain he was needed to keep her from crying.

When he spoke, keeping is voice soft not to wake her, it was as much for a distraction as anything. "I've been thinking we should work out what we're calling her. And what we're calling ourselves in relation to her."

Cel perked up, apparently also a little bored. "Oh! Names! Always a bit tricky, eh? But I bet we can come up with a good one."

"That's a good idea," Hamid answered. Azu grunted in agreement, focused on the tunnel ahead. That was good. He might need a distraction, but he didn't need the rest of the group too distracted to watch his back.

They fell back into silence, for long enough that it began to feel uncomfortable.

Then everyone but Azu spoke at once.

"So, how do you think we should-"

"Okay, so what _kind _of a name are we thinking, because I-"

"Maybe that's silly, I just-"

They cut off all at once, too.

Cel laughed. "Right! Maybe we just think of a few and make the suggestions when we stop. Does that work?"

Zolf turned his head to look at the two triangle points behind him. Cel looked back calmly, but Hamid's eyes darted away and then returned sideways, like he was trying to read Zolf without giving himself away.

"Yeah," Zolf agreed, trying not to show his disappointment, "That's probably better."

Hamid's voice sounded conciliatory from the jump. "I'm sure we could still make some suggestions! We jus shouldn't expect to have good ones at short notice. I'm sure we'll think of something."

"I still think we should know what kind of a name we're looking for!" Cel answered immediately, "Since you all don't like it when I do things the slow way."

Hamid's little huff of breath through his nose was all the cue Zolf needed to know Cel had thrown a side-eye at him.

"Oh, I don't know," he said, trying to cut off the silent argument before it became a full-scale one. "I just think she should have one. We can't just keep calling her 'the baby' this and 'the baby' that. She was already -" he struggled for words, but forced himself not to gesture with his hands. "Look, just because we found her in a cabinet doesn't mean she's just a _thing_ we're carrying around."

"Zolf-" Hamid's voice was soft, and there was hurt in it, faint but recognizable after all they'd been through together.

He sighed. "No, I know that's not how any of us think about her, it's just - she's got to have a _name_. And we should decide what we are to her. Are we babysitters? Are we -" he suddenly realized how deeply impractical any other option was and spluttered out, "_Not_ babysitters?" instead of anything more serious.

"We're rescuers!" Cel answered, cheerful and immediate, like the many implications of any other answer weren't weighing on them like they did on him.

Zolf chuckled. "Yes, I suppose we are that, too."

"We could call her Victoria," Cel suggested, "Because she didn't die, and that's like winning, eh? Victory. Victoria. Vic. Tori. Vicky." 

Zolf made a face. "I don't know."

"Or we could call her Pearl," Hamid suggested, "Because she's a precious thing we found wrapped up inside something else."

"Is that too specific, do you think?" Zolf asked, "But then, it is pretty, isn't it?"

"Hmm," Hamid answered softly.

"Could do Pearl in Japanese," Cel suggested, "Tama."

This time it was Zolf's turn to hum thoughtfully. It wasn't bad, actually.

"Oh, wait, that was _more _specific, instead of less, wasn't it? Opal! Pretend I said Opal!"

Opal wasn't the worst name, either, but it wasn't _right_.

"Amber?" he suggested, "Or Ruby?"

Hamid's grunt was displeased, and Zolf couldn't blame him.

"I think we're focusing on the wrong part, now," Hamid answered, "Of _course _it's good to think of names that show how precious she is, but she's also _alive_. And that's what matters, too. I think you're right that we shouldn't be too specific about what happened to her family, but -" Hamid stopped with a sigh.

After a moment's silence, Azu spoke, almost making Zolf jump. "Flowers. Bad things happen, but the earth recovers, and the flowers come back. Sometimes fast."

That - also wasn't bad.

"Poppy?" Hamid suggested.

It was definitely a maybe. It was definitely better.

"Rose," Cel said, "But it's a little boring."

"Daisy," Zolf said, "But I don't like that one, either."

"Jasmine," Hamid said, "I think they have those here, too?"

"Sakura," Cel said, "That's a - what is it - a cherry . . . flower? No. A cherry . . . a cherry blossom!"

"That's pretty, too," Zolf said.

"What about things that grow after a fire?" Hamid said, "It feels like we're closer, but - maybe if we get more specific again?"

"Ferns grow after a fire," Azu supplied.

"We're not calling her Fern," Zolf answered, almost on instinct.

"_Spiraea betulifolia,_" Cel suggested. "We could call her Foli. Or Lia. Or Spira."

"Mmm," Azu was clearly not in favor of that one.

"We can't call her fireweed," Zolf said. "Goldenrod? But she's not really golden, and 'Rod' is a terrible nickname."

"Larkspur? No, that's not it, either." Even before he finished the name, Hamid was backpedalling, and Zolf let him, stifling his instinctive noise of skepticism.

"What else grows after fires?" Cel said, their voice going thoughtful and uncharacteristically soft.

"Fire . . . poppies, I think?" Zolf answered, "Fire_thorn_, I think I heard once, but that's _really_ terrible."

"Fire lilies," Hamid said, with something in his voice Zolf couldn't quite get a bead on. But he didn't need one. He was feeling something, too.

Zolf looked down at the baby, sleeping in his arms. "That's it, isn't it?" he asked softly, "Lily."

"I like it!" Cel declared, dragging the "I" out until the rest of the sentence almost bounced. They meant it, then.

"I do. too." Azu's softness meant different things at different times, but now - now he was almost certain it meant she meant it, too.

"There are also water lilies," Hamid said, suddenly sad.

"That's alright," Zolf answered. "She can be both. Or she can be neither, if she wants."

"Lily of the Valley," Cel supplied.

"Isn't that poisonous?" he asked.

They shrugged. "Doesn't mean it's not useful. Or pretty."

"That's true," Hamid said, still quieter and more sedate, for the moment, than the rest of them. "And I don't think - I think if either of my sisters were named after a flower, they'd want to be named after one that could be sweet or dangerous or both, instead of just pretty."

"Pretty," Zolf echoed, looking back down at the baby again, "Pretty and hardy and stubborn and sweet and poisonous and - I dunno. Floaty."

"Unexpected," Hamid said. "They look delicate, but they're tougher than they seem and can fight back more than you think they can."

Zolf was still looking down at Lily. "Maybe if we can get her safe, she can finish being tough and get to be soft, for a bit."

"Petals?" Hamid asked, picking up on where his mind was going.

"Petals," he agreed.

"I think it's a lovely name!" Cel chirped, "Lily, Yuri, Lilium."

"Maji machafu," Azu added, softness tinged with fondness this time.

"Zanabaq." Hamid was almost laughing, his voice losing the half-expressed sadness it had been holding since he'd remembered the water lily.

Zolf smiled a moment too early, gazing down at the baby in his arms. "Let's not gild the lily here, guys. Just because _you _all know a million languages-"

The rest of his rant was swallowed up in groans, which was just as well, because past the joke, he hadn't really thought it through.

"Is it too late to change her name?" Azu asked, at least half joking.

"No," he answered definitively. "It's perfect."

Hamid sighed, but didn't sound upset. "It is."

"Lily," Zolf whispered, hoping the baby, now sleeping hard enough to stay out even with all their half-hushed voices echoing around her, would somehow feel it anyway, in the air, or the rumble of his chest, or the warmth he felt knowing she was _named_ and _theirs_.

Oh gods. She was _theirs_.

He had asked what they should call themselves around her, but all of a sudden, he didn't want to know. He didn't want to think about it. He hoped the others had forgotten, and he didn't bring it up again.

"Our little baby Lily," he whispered again, instead, "Lily, Lily, Lily."

It felt good. Right. Almost right enough to make the rest of it go away.

He felt more than saw Hamid smiling at the back of his neck, and didn't look back to respond.


	5. Chapter 5

Lily was blessedly quiet as the group climbed up the steep incline Zolf was sure must lead to an exit. Of course, the silence was at the expense of her chewing on the lapel of his coat, leaving baby spit all over it, but if the enemy was waiting ahead, that wasn't going to matter.

When she first started, he'd considered pretending to mind, but he hadn't done it then, and he knew it wouldn't be convincing now.

He wasn't even sure he could convincingly pretend to be upset that he was in the middle of their formation, even though he still was, a little bit. He didn't like not being ready to fight, but Azu had definitely turned back and caught him looking at Lily at least twice, and he knew his own face well enough to know he'd looked damnably soft at the time.

The incline had started as a gentle slope, but it had gotten steeper and steeper, and now their group was huddled together, instinctively closing in as they struggled uphill, as if it would keep any of them from slipping.

"I can _smell _fresh air ahead of us," Azu whispered, her voice sounding wistful.

Zolf took a deep breath in. There did seem to be a _little _less of the musty smell that had been in the air around them since they descended into the caverns. He nodded. "We should slow down, then. Figure out what we're going to do if we're ambushed."

"Yeah," she agreed, sounding sad as her feet came to a stop.

He didn't know what to say, which was fine, because Hamid did, stepping forward to pat her large elbow. "It's alright," he said, "We'll get you out of here. We'll just - have to be careful. But we've got lots of ways to sneak past them if they _are _there."

Azu bit her lip and none of them mentioned how well their previous bouts of sneaking as a whole group had gone. One or two of them could sneak. Three sometimes. Four, probably not. And five? Lily made a soft cooing noise in his arms, like she was wondering why they'd stopped, and he knew there was no controlling that.

"Or we can blow 'em up!" Cel supplied excitedly. It was hard to tell if they were genuinely optimistic about their chances, or if they just liked blowing things up. It was always hard to tell, where explosions were concerned, whether they were excited for this plan specifically and when they were just excited about explosions.

"I _can_ cast a fireball in front of us," Hamid said thoughtfully, "More than one, if I have to. That usually clears a space."

Cel gestured toward Hamid appreciatively, "See, he gets it!" The sudden show of solidarity between them might have been encouraging, if they hadn't been talking about more than one fireball and presumably many bombs.

Zolf frowned. "And if the explosions draw more people? We don't even know where these tunnels come out. They could have reinforcements. Or worse, we could come out around a bunch of blue veins." Azu looked troubled, and before she could tell him that not doing the other plans wasn't a plan in itself, he cut her off. "Look, I don't have a perfect solution here, but I don't want us doing anything drastic and putting Lily in more danger than she has to be. And I know you don't either."

Azu sighed. "I know. I want to get out of here, but-" Whatever came after the "but" eluded her and she waved an arm vaguely. That was fair, because he wasn't sure what came after the "but" either.

Hamid answered softly, his eyes locked on Azu's, and Zolf knew before he was three words in that whatever he was about to suggest, she wasn't going to like. "Alright. So some of us should sneak forward and find out more about what's going on up there, and then come back and report so we can plan a way to fight through whatever's up there _quietly_."

Azu's soft "Yes" sounded _painful_, and Hamid reached up to take her hand comfortingly, his fingers swallowed up almost instantly by her much larger hand.

"It'll be alright," he told her, "Cel and I can be invisible, and we'll umm - well, we've already said explosions are loud. You'll - you'll probably know if we need you. And that leaves the two of you together to protect Lily if something happens while we're gone."

"Yeah," Azu agreed, "Just - try to be safe. And quick."

Hamid smiled softly. "Always."

Not for the first time, Zolf found himself wondering what had _happened _to Hamid to make him so - this.

He didn't have long to wonder, because Hamid took his hand back and vanished almost immediately, Cel disappearing a split second after him like they'd been waiting for the signal.

Zolf immediately felt exposed. He'd started to get used to being surrounded, to having a layer of protection outside his arms to shield the baby. A shiver ran down his spine, and he pretended it hadn't.

Azu stepped closer to him just as he was stepping back to press up against the stone wall for more protection. He ended up with the wall to his back and Azu towering right next to him, close enough that he could have leaned against her waist if he'd wanted to, and he suddenly felt _too _contained. He resisted the urge to step back, because Lily had stopped chewing on his lapel to look up at Azu and babble at her, and because it would be a jerk move to back away from her when she clearly needed some kind of comfort and he'd yet to provide _any_.

He cleared his throat. "I, umm - I heard what you said to Hamid last night. Not, uh, not all of it, but I know you don't like small spaces-"

Azu smiled at him, and the smile was genuine and _damn _her, he'd been trying _so hard _not to get his emotions involved, but Hamid was new and confident and brave now that he'd met Azu, and Zolf never _had _been quite able to keep liking people in check when he already respected them, and here she was, and Hamid looked at her like - like nothing. Like everything. Like there was a whole world between them and god_damn _he already liked Hamid enough that he had to protect that, too, even without accounting for Azu's relentless ability to be Azu.

"It's alright," she said, "I can still fight in one. Just - don't want to have to."

"Yeah," he agreed, looking down at Lily so he didn't have to look Azu in the eye.

Lily had switched to sucking on her own fist, but as soon as she had his full attention, she started babbling again, at him this time, kicking her legs out happily as he watched her. He shifted his grip so he could bounce her gently up and down, making her shriek with delight.

Then the quiet got too quiet again, and stretched on too long. "I'm, umm -" he said, "I'm glad Hamid's had friends. Dunno if I've said that yet. But I'm glad you're here." He _did_ know. He hadn't said it yet. He hadn't wanted to. But somehow he'd left the question 'What are we?' unanswered and he'd found that particular ship sailing away without an answer at all. Whatever they were, it was too late. They were already it.

"Don't break his heart again," she answered, sure and direct. "We've lost enough friends. More than enough. If you abandon him again, I'll track you down myself."

He really did laugh this time, surprised. "Yeah, I, uh - I used to be kind of an idiot. It's not - I know what I'm doing now. I - it's not a good idea to make friends right now, with the plague and all, but I _do _know - well, I know enough."

"You can't live your life lonely just because you're afraid," she said, "You have to take a chance on loving people, even if - even _when_ it hurts. You can't close yourself off. People still need you, and _you_ still need _people_. I can't - I don't know what I'd do if I lost Hamid. But if he loses me, he'll need you. Otherwise, I don't know how much more he can take losing."

"I, uh - I heard about his sister," Zolf said, still not meeting Azu's eyes. "Errr, Wilde told me. He caught me up, once we knew you and Hamid were coming and I'm, uh - I'm sorry I wasn't there."

Azu's hand settled gently on his shoulder. "It's alright. From what he told me about you, it sounds like - I'm sure you were doing your best."

"Always a shame when your best turns out to be a mess, huh?"

Azu snorted, amused. "Well, I think we can all forgive you for that. We've made our share of messes. I just wish -" she sighed, "Actually, I wish a lot of things."

"I miss Sasha, too, you know," he said, hoping he'd read her face right, "It's weird having Hamid here without her. And I know it's not the same, but-"

"But there's a difference between parting ways and knowing something's actually gone wrong."

"Yeah."

He focused his attention back on Lily, wondering how, exactly, it was that he'd had possession of a child for something like 27 hours and he already thought her blowing little spit bubbles was cute.

"We should have thought about that before we picked her name," he said, as it occurred to him, "Lily Sasha's kind of rubbish as a combination. Especially without a last name."

Lily babbled happily at him, and he tried to remember that she couldn't _possibly _recognize her name when she was still this young. His heart lightened anyway, and for a moment he was genuinely happy, until he looked up to find Hamid and Cel not there and swung back into worry and sadness. He hadn't felt _this_ all over the place in a long time. Even yesterday, which felt like a lifetime ago, he'd at least managed to feel all the emotions at once, rather than pinballing between them. It didn't bode well for whatever fight was coming.

"Hmm," Azu said, "Lily Alexandra? I don't think Sasha's was _actually _short for anything, but-"

Zolf snorted, "But who'd have known, even if it was?"

"Or Lily Alexander? That's a last name sometimes, isn't it?"

"Lily Alexander," he whispered. "Lily Alexand_ra_. Lily _Alexandra_ Alexander."

Azu laughed, then both of them jumped as Cel's voice sounded suddenly from beside them. "Oh, are we adding more names? Lily Wilhimina Wilson. Lily . . . Lily Thomasina Thomas."

Zolf snorted. "That's not - quite what we were doing."

"Well, what _were_ you doing? We were investigating!"

He knew that, but he also knew better than to derail the conversation by pointing it out.

"It looks clear," Hamid said, his voice too close, even though Zolf had expected him now that he knew Cel was here. A shiver ran down his spine and he instinctively pulled Lily closer. Hamid pressed an invisible hand to his forearm, which was only mostly comforting. "I mean, it feels weird to just trust it? But there was no one there, and there was no reason to think anyone had split off from the rest of the group to hide somewhere?"

"We checked all over!" Cel clarified, "But all we found were tracks. And if we can figure out where they're _going_, and then we can get back to my lab_ quick_, I've got some things that should get us there before them. Or - well, _maybe_. Ooh! Or you could talk to your stone friend again! See if we can teleport! I've always _wanted _to teleport."

"We've at least gotta get word to Wilde," Zolf said, "He'll want to know what we've found out, and that they're gone. 'Course, he'll probably quarantine us for a week again before he trusts it."

"Do you have a way of contacting him?" Hamid asked.

"Going back where he is and waiting out the quarantine? He'll probably at least start investigating before we're clear. And _we _know we're probably not sick, because we know we didn't come in contact with anyone who was, so maybe just a vein check? It's not exactly the safest, though."

Azu sighed heavily, looking positively crestfallen, and Zolf realized what he'd just told her - more time locked up. More time in a cell. A small space.

"Or maybe we don't go back. Maybe we send him a letter and try to track them, but -"

"No," Azu said, "I know."

Zolf felt, more than heard, Hamid moving away from him, toward Azu. He really _had _gotten sneakier, and that just made not thinking about Sasha harder, and Azu was still almost a stranger, but at least she was _here_, and Cel was - Cel, but they were beginning to feel increasingly familiar to him, too, and before he knew it everything was piling up again, all the feelings he had and didn't have and couldn't afford.

"Let's go outside, then," he said, suddenly desperate to be moving. "We can make decisions in the open air. And the rest of us can get a look at the tracks. Maybe we can work out more of where they might be going."

"Should we be ready for a fight, just in case?" The old anxiety in Hamid's voice was familiar, but it didn't worry him like it might have, once.

He sighed. "Probably, yeah. Where are you? You should hold Lily."

"Oh!" Hamid said, appearing a moment later out of nowhere. "It's probably better if she doesn't look like a floating baby? I mean, you can carry _some _things while you're invisible and they don't show, but I don't think a whole other _person_ would be invisible."

"I'm going to stay invisible!" Cel said, "Anybody we missed won't know what's comin'."

Zolf transferred Lily carefully into Hamid's arms, worried for a moment that she would start crying again. Instead, she grabbed happily at Hamid's cravat, pulling at the fine fabric just hard enough for Hamid to make a surprised little noise in his throat.

"Oh, yeah, she's got a lot more energy after this last nap." Zolf said, "I think we might've finally fed her up enough? I'd watch out for the drooling. And she's been a little bitey."

Hamid's eyes zeroed in on his damp, rumpled lapel almost immediately, but the sigh he let out was fond. "I can clean it later. Easier than I could back when my little brothers ruined things, anyway."

"Oh!" Azu said, "Do you want the front again, Zolf?"

Now it was his turn to look fonder than he should, though he forced the expression down quickly. "No, I think you should keep it," he said, "I can always step farther forward if I need to."

It was the right decision. Azu's steps picked up the closer they got to the faint light of the entrance, in spite of the fact that the ground was still sloping steeply under them. She had to hunch over to get out through the low exit of the tunnel, but once she was through and straightening up again, Zolf could see the tension bleeding out of her posture, her armor shifting ever-so-slightly downward as her shoulders relaxed.

He made a mental note to check on her when they stopped, now that doing something about what he assumed was some fairly significant pain and soreness in her back, neck, and shoulders would actually _mean_ something and she wouldn't just immediately put the strain back on.

The exit was too narrow for the rest of them to go through three across, and Hamid stopped short, turning to look at him. A faint clattering of stones in the entrance indicated that Cel had gone through without remembering to tell them.

"Should you go first, or should I?" Hamid asked.

Zolf made eye contact, and Hamid held it, even with the little wrinkle of worry between his eyes. After a moment, Zolf just nodded. "Alright, yeah. I'll go first, but I'll hang right at the entrance, so the others can fan out a little more."

Hamid nodded again. "Alright."

Zolf hadn't been particularly bothered by the caverns - not like the rest of them, stuck in small spaces they weren't used to and unable to see in the dark. But once his eyes adjusted to the light, even _he_ felt relieved to be stepping out into the open air.

They were in a thin patch of trees, but they were near enough to water for him to smell it in the air. They'd tunnelled under, then, and come up on the other side, off the island. He'd thought that might be the case, had assumed it was, but until someone asked, he hadn't been about to say that.

It was almost a shame to turn away from the sunlight streaming between the branches and back toward the cave.

Then Hamid was coming, standing upright where Azu had had to hunch over, but clambering over rocks that she (and Zolf, to a lesser extent) had stepped over more easily. He reached an arm out in case Hamid needed it, and was rewarded with a smile, even as Hamid kept both hands on Lily, who still seemed intent on pulling his cravat out of the neck of his shirt in spite of the fact that, knowing Hamid, it was probably pinned in place to stay tidy.

As soon as Hamid stepped out of the cave, Lily twisted to look where they were going and immediately started _screaming_.

A panicked screech turned into pained howling, and Hamid's eyes widened as he pulled her closer to his chest. "Zolf?"

Hamid sounded almost as frightened as Lily, and Zolf moved on instinct, wrapping his arms around both Hamid and the baby and leaning over to block the sunlight from Lily's face. "It's alright," he whispered, his forehead resting on Hamid's shoulder where he didn't have room to bend any farther down, "It's just the sun, baby girl. It's just the sun."

Hamid sounded sad, but kept his voice quiet. "She's never _seen _the sun, has she? She's never been above ground."

"Probably not," Zolf agreed, keeping his voice just as low so he wouldn't startle Lily any further.

She was crying now, deep bubbling sobs that were at least less terrible than the sounds that had come before, and Zolf shushed her quietly. "Shh, shh, Lily, it's ok. It's ok. Hamid and I are right here. We're right here."

"Hamid?" Azu asked, her voice loud behind Zolf's head.

He felt Hamid's head move against his temple as the halfling looked up at Azu. "She's ok. She's just - never seen the sun?" He gasped, his shoulder hitching abruptly upward as he tensed. "Oh gods! Are we going to hurt her, bringing her above ground when she's supposed to live under it? Is it bad for her? Are we-"

"She'll be fine," Zolf said, trying to cut off the panic, "Dwarves are supposed to live underground, too, and I've spent more time at sea than in caves. And the sun gets bright enough out there."

"Oh," Hamid said, and Zolf could tell it was more an attempt to calm down than an indication that he already had.

Zolf raised his head up gradually, moving one arm from around Hamid's shoulders so that he could use it to shade Lily's face. Hamid met his eyes, and this close, Zolf could see every little strain in the muscles around his eyes. He smiled, and it mostly wasn't forced. "Genuinely, Hamid. She's going to be alright. We'll just have to keep her shaded for a bit so she can get used to it a little at a time."

"Yeah," Hamid said, his voice quiet in the air between them, "Yeah, I can do that."

Hamid adjusted his grip on Lily, tucking her securely into one arm now that she was trying to burrow into him instead of pulling away. His free hand joined Zolf's, hovering just over Lily's head.

Zolf nodded, then realized how close he was to Hamid, only to let go of Hamid with his other arm and step immediately back into Azu, his head clanging off her breastplate because she had apparently been just as close.

"Oh!" Azu stepped back, "I'm sorry, Zolf! Do you need more shade, Hamid? I can -" she gasped, "Oh! _Hamid_!"

Before Zolf could work out what was going on in her brain, she stepped deftly around him in two long strides and scooped Hamid up into her arms, both of them adjusting carefully and almost instinctively to surround Lily.

"Oh," Zolf said, suddenly feeling terribly left behind on the ground, "Or that works."

Cel's cackle in his ear made him jump. He was losing his edge. Or his hearing. Or something.

"What?" he snapped.

They laughed again. "Nothing! You just looked surprised."

"And you weren't?"

They made a noncommittal noise.

"Alright, where are we going?" Azu asked, like everything was perfectly normal and she _wasn't _cradling one of their group members in her arms like a second, larger baby holding the actual baby.

"Oh!" she added, with another gasp, "My armor can - oh, no, never mind."

Hamid laughed, relaxing a little in Azu's grip. "Yes, _please _don't glow. I think it would even be a little bright for me_._"

Azu chuckled, a lovely, relaxed sound Zolf hadn't even realized he missed while they were underground.

Cel flung an invisible arm around his shoulders. "I dunno! Zolf, where are we going?" they asked, "Do we have to go back to your boss?"

He sighed. Maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe he and the others weren't anything. Maybe they were just working together. Maybe they just had a baby to look after. Maybe he hadn't given any of his heart over to _any _of these _ridiculous _people.

Lily had stopped crying. She was babbling, instead, and it sounded dissatisfied, and it was loud enough for Zolf to hear even through Hamid and Azu, and as Hamid answered, "I _know_, I'm _sorry_," in cheerful baby-talk, he bit his tongue and resisted the urge to stomp off. That was the old Zolf. The _old_ Zolf. The new Zolf wasn't stomping off just because he was having an emotion. The new Zolf was dealing with things. The new Zolf wasn't an asshole.

He relaxed again, but before he could answer Cel's question, they were whispering in his ear, "Everything ok there, buddy? You felt a little tense just now, eh? You want somebody else to make the calls?"

"No!" he answered, a little too loud and a little too petulant.

"No what?" Hamid asked, twisting suddenly to look at him, "I'm so sorry, Zolf, I wasn't listening."

Zolf pinched the bridge of his nose with the hand away from Cel. "It's fine. It's all fine."

He squeezed his eyes closed, and Cel started rubbing his shoulders, which wasn't really what he'd been after, but wasn't bad, either, and he sighed, letting go of his nose and straightening up.

"Yeah. Good. It's all fine. We're not too far from sunset, and the tracks they left are obvious enough that we know they're not really hiding anything. We'll be able to pick them up again if we need to - it's just catching up that's the problem, because they're clearly not slowing down for much."

"So-" Azu prompted gently, "Wilde first, or going straight after them? You know him better than we do."

He nodded, half grateful and half irrationally angry that they all kept being so _nice_. "Yeah. Yeah. Give me a minute." They did, though Cel's arm stayed firmly around his shoulders until he was almost desperate to shrug them off. "You know what?," he said finally, "Neither. We don't _really _know exactly where we are, but we've got some time before dark, so we can probably work that out before we have to bed down, and then once we know, we'll be able to decide what comes next."

"Geography!" Cel exclaimed in his ear, "Great!"

"Yeah," he answered, fighting back a sigh, "We should try to work it out from the beach. Or the - cliffs? Wherever we are, being able to see over the water ought to help us work it out."

"You got it!" Cel exclaimed, half pulling him along with them as they strode toward the smell of water with their arm still around his shoulder.

He let them, keeping his mind very carefully off of all of it. Time to find a way home. Or a way forward on their quest. Two options. Both good. He kept moving forward, waiting for Cel to get impatient with the way his shorter legs slowed them down and keeping his mind on planning ahead.

They were going to be alright. _He _was going to be alright. He was going to do this right this time.


	6. Chapter 6

Lily babbled in Cel's arms as they talked quietly to her, halfway in their bedroll and halfway out of it on the other side of the fire. They hadn't set up anything that passed for a lab tonight, but they were listing all the fish they could think of, telling Lily about them with a soothing air of wonder.

Zolf sighed. Any other time, he thought, Cel's catalogue of fish would have sent him comfortably off to sleep. Now - now he had other things weighing on him.

Cel looked up. "You _can _go to sleep, you know. I'm taking first watch."

"Yeah, I know."

"You're starin' into the fire."

"Yeah, I know that, too."

"What's he doing over there, eh, Lily? He's not sleeping at all. He's just as bad as you are."

"Ah na _na_nah."

"I _know_. So silly. But you and me, Lily, we're _great _with no sleep, so maybe Zolf is too. What was it Hamid called him? Uncle Zolf."

"Do you want me to take her?" he interrupted. "I'm - not sure I'll be going to sleep any time soon. I can wake you up for the end of your watch if I do. Or for mine."

They studied him over the fire for a moment, then laughed. "You just want to steal some of my baby time! But yeah, alright. I'd been thinking I should get up early to make more formula anyway, so it's probably better to go to bed." They looked down at Lily again, rocking her gently. "That's right, Lily! Gotta make breakfast for you!"

"_Muh_mumuh."

"Exactly!"

Zolf got to his feet, bending his knees a few times to get them working again. They always got a little stiff in cold weather like this and needed warming up, which almost _almost _made him feel like they were real dwarf legs and he was just getting old. He grunted under his breath, then walked around the fire to take Lily from Cel.

Cel kissed Lily on the forehead before they passed her over to Zolf, and he found himself smiling at them a little more softly than he'd ever meant to with an almost-stranger. He turned away slightly too quickly and headed back to his own bedroll on the other side of the fire.

Lily babbled at him and then grabbed his beard and _pulled_, and he was pretty sure he deserved it, though he wasn't sure which thing he deserved it _for_.

"Ow," he said mildly, prying her tiny fingers carefully out of his braid, "We don't pull on people's hair."

"She doesn't pull on mine," Cel commented, half grunting in the middle as they rearranged themself, lying down to sleep.

"Yours is up out of her way," he answered.

Cel ran a hand through their hair, making it stick up even farther than usual. "That's true."

Zolf tried not to laugh. "Just go to sleep."

"Aye aye, Captain."

Something about the way they said it, half fake deference, half genuine agreement, made him think momentarily of Sasha, with a pang of - something.

He stared back into the fire, but as soon as he wasn't looking at Lily, she pulled at his beard again, sounding displeased. "A NAH nana."

This time he did laugh, a little soft snort he hoped Cel hadn't heard from the other side of their little camp.

"Alright, Princess," he whispered fondly, "I get it. You want to be the center of the universe."

It could have been - _should _have been - sarcastic, but it came out earnest and _oh gods_ he was in trouble.

"Nunnuhnuh."

"This was a bad idea, wasn't it?" he whispered to her, even quieter to be sure Cel couldn't hear him and take her back. "I should have just slept, shouldn't I? You've got us all wrapped around those little fingers, don't you?"

She reached for his beard again, but he was watching for it and caught her hand gently. Her fingers wrapped around his index finger like she was just as happy to hold that, and he leaned down to press a kiss to the back of her hand. She cooed softly, and he kissed her forehead before he straightened up, because _gods _it was so, _so_ too late to pretend she hadn't broken him.

He kept quiet, rocking Lily gently until he could hear Cel's familiar snores coming from the other side of the fire and be certain that they were asleep.

There were a lot of words, right at the tip of his tongue, now that it was safe to whisper again, but he didn't say them. He just watched Lily's eyes droop farther and farther closed until she was sleeping in his arms, crashed out with total baby abandon, and he could switch back to gazing into the fire, making occasional sweeps of the outside of their camp with his eyes to make sure they were just as alone here as they'd been since they'd exited the cave.

They were.

He sighed.

He could still hear Hamid's voice in his head, anxious and familiar, as they'd debated what to do while they ate more of their bland trail rations. "I know you always like to keep going forward on the mission, Zolf," he'd said, "Or, you did, until - you know -" He'd blushed and looked awkward, and Zolf had just felt _guilty_.

"But that's not the point!" Hamid had continued, looking away at the others, "The point is that we have to think about Lily! I can protect her if we keep going. I can cast Magic Missile and Fireball while I'm holding her, and I can do some damage. But there are some fights where that's not going to be enough, and we need to figure out where our limits are before we charge forward."

Zolf hadn't known what to say. Zolf hadn't said anything, letting Cel and Azu do it for him.

He sighed again. Lily felt heavier in his arms now that she was asleep. He knew she wasn't. He didn't think it was just his arms getting tired. He hoped she was at least heavier than she'd been when they found her, but he couldn't be sure, and she was still, in spite of their best efforts these last 36 hours, much _much _too thin.

Azu wanted to go back to the inn and regroup and get Lily to safety. Cel wanted to either keep going or return to their village, because otherwise they couldn't guarantee the village's safety. Hamid had, somewhat uncharacteristically of late, danced back and forth between them and what he assumed Zolf wanted, trying to make peace.

_He_ was the only one left who'd kept quiet. The only one left who hadn't chosen, after he'd said 'or' and 'maybe' and 'later' and refused to decide. The others were waiting on him to choose, and it was pointless to pretend they weren't. There was a chance that in the morning New Hamid would assert himself and they could go where Hamid wanted - probably back to the inn. _Hopefully_ back to the inn, if he listened to his heart where the things he hoped lived and he never thought clearly. That would be convenient, Hamid making the choice for him. Making it so he didn't have to.

It wouldn't be fair, though. They owed it to themselves, and each other, and the baby to all make the decision together.

He scanned the horizon again, not daring to look down at Lily, because then his choice would be made and he didn't - he couldn't - everything was too jumbled up for that.

He stood carefully, unable to bear any more sitting still when his heart and mind were so bound up in whatever this was. Lily slept on, and he was careful not to jostle her too much as he walked slow, smooth circles around the edges of the firelight, staring outward like he was looking for danger instead of answers.

Azu's watch started. It wasn't hard to read the time in the stars, not after all his years at sea navigating by them, but he didn't wake her up. He just found a log to sit on and dragged it awkwardly back to the fire with his free hand, Lily wrapped up carefully in his other arm.

An hour later, Lily woke up crying, and by the time Azu sat up and looked blearily over at him, he was already halfway to Cel's bag to get the rest of the baby formula, and she laid back down without seeming to notice that the watches weren't going in the right sequence.

Once he was back on his log, Azu's face was just visible in the firelight and he could see the muscles in it relax as she fell back asleep.

He and Lily were alone again. Lily was behaving herself, having finally learned that they weren't going to let her eat too fast. Azu was asleep. Cel had never stopped snoring. Hamid hadn't stirred, though Zolf would be surprised if he hadn't wakened at all.

It was safe to whisper. It _was._

Lily looked up at him, her big golden eyes staring at his face even as she ate.

"I want you safe," he whispered. "I know that's what I want. And I can think of reasons to do it. We ought to check in on Cel's little town, to make sure there hasn't been any blowback. We ought to talk to Wilde, in case there's something to find on that island and he could send a team in behind us. _Nothing _is a race, anymore, like it used to be, other than trying to stay ahead of the plague so we don't get it. The world already started ending. This hasn't been about a paycheck for more than a _year_, and there's no one to stop us being cautious in ways we weren't when-" he cut himself off. "In ways we just weren't."

Lily finished her bottle, whining a little when it was empty, and he took it carefully away from her, flipping Hamid's handkerchief over his shoulder and then propping her up against it and patting her back until she burped.

"There's a girl," he said gently.

She started fussing again, not fully crying, but close. He wiped her face where she'd spat up a little bit and cuddled her close to his chest. She grabbed at his beard again, dragged the end of it into her mouth, and then spat it out, looking displeased.

He rearranged her position in his arms and rubbed her tummy gently. She quieted gradually, making fussing noises until he shushed her, and starting them up again at longer and longer intervals, her eyes locked on his so intently he couldn't quite bring himself to look away.

"How much of what I want is logic?" he whispered to her, "And how much is just - _you_?"

"P-p-p-p-p."

"Oh, look at you, cleverclocks. That's a new one, isn't it?"

"PaaPAHHpahPAHHPAHHpuh."

"Godsdammit." The curse slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it, a soft whisper to no one, and he _really _hoped everyone was still asleep and hadn't heard him cursing around the baby.

He'd made his choice, and it was right at the tip of his tongue, and he almost said it to her, but she was pure and innocent and didn't deserve having to make choices. She didn't deserve that kind of responsibility. She didn't deserve the weight of it.

She kept making p sounds, clearly proud of herself.

He ignored the rest of the watches, sitting on his stump as Lily slept and woke and slept in his arms, all the way until the sun started to lighten the sky in the east and she woke up again and he carried her a little ways away from the little camp, to watch the sun rising over the water together.

*****

Einstein was delighted to meet their baby.

Wilde's letter, in response to the one they'd sent from Cel's lab, sounded displeased even before they'd said a word about Lily.

They only stayed there for a day before facing up to the fact that Wilde didn't trust anyone else to quarantine them.

It was all they needed to know they wouldn't be leaving Lily with Jasper. She didn't like being held by anyone else. She didn't like being away from them.

She didn't even like them being in separate rooms, which they were going to have to deal with next week, but at least quarantine would solve _that _problem for a bit.

Wilde was _not _delighted to meet their baby.

*****

Zolf laid Lily down on her blanket on the floor of the cell. She'd been content to be put down for two days now, and it still felt like a surprise every time.

Wilde was on the other side of the bars, all the way up against the wall as far from them as he could get.

Zolf went to join the others, sliding in between Azu and Cel and nudging the orc with his elbow. "Your turn, next diaper change," he said quietly, careful not to interrupt Hamid as he gestured to the map and asked questions.

Azu chuckled. "Do we still have enough?"

"Yeah. Could use more formula soon, though."

Wilde cleared his throat irritably. He'd done just about everything irritably, since the moment it became clear just how thoroughly Zolf had ignored his instructions to keep his emotions out of things and put the mission first.

It wasn't really fair. The mission had already gone eight kinds of pear-shaped before Lily was anywhere near the picture.

Cel draped an arm over his shoulder, something that was both increasingly annoying and definitely becoming a habit. He tried not to let it show. Their intentions were good, probably. He just didn't much like being an armrest.

*****

Lily slept in a cradle for the first time, and Cel held their hands up in front of their mouth, all balled up into fists, and almost _quivered_ with emotion as Hamid laid the baby onto the firm little mattress and she didn't wake up.

They all stared for a full minute before dragging their four matching cots into a square around the cradle, the metal legs squealing on the stone floor until the noise woke Lily and Azu had to scoop her back up again, laughing with the rest of them.

Zolf didn't miss having to hold her all night and take shifts. He _didn't_.

Hamid wrapped his arms tightly around his chest, hugging himself as Azu laid Lily back down in the cradle for a second time. Zolf stepped sideways to nudge him gently with his shoulder. Hamid turned to him and smiled, a little sad.

Two nights from now, they would be out of the cell. Two nights from now, they'd have to figure out where to put the cradle.

They didn't talk about it as they all climbed into their cots, and Zolf pretended the silence was just to keep from waking the baby again.

*****

"What is she going to call us?" Cel asked, watching as Lily sat in her new portable baby seat, watching Jasper dust the pieces of a large machine. "I think you asked that back in the tunnels, didn't you, Zolf? But Hamid was still calling you her uncle, and there _isn't _even a good neutral version of that, and that's not even _accounting_ for-"

"'Mama' for Azu," Zolf interrupted, before they could get any farther in their sentence, "That one's easy." Some things were best left implied than said outright, and he was pretty sure he didn't need to hear where Cel was going with the thought. Not out in the open like that.

"Yes," Azu agreed, her voice soft and reverent, "Yes, that sounds right."

"Baba," Hamid said immediately, but with his voice just as soft and reverent. "I always thought if I ever had kids I'd want to be-" he paused, "informal, I guess."

"Zolf?" Cel asked.

He found his throat growing unexpectedly thick. "'Dad' when she's older," he said, "'Daddy' for now."

"Hmm," they answered. "That _does_ leave 'Papa' for me, which _could _be short for 'parent,' but-"

The rest of them made dissatisfied noises all at once, and Cel laughed. "Yeah, it's terrible."

"Renny?" Zolf suggested, "For parent?"

"Renny-" they said skeptically, testing it out.

"'Ren' when she's older, maybe?" he added, "Or 'Rent'?"

"Ren," they said, feeling the word out. He thought they might be coming around.

"'Enty' sounds too much like 'Auntie'," Hamid said thoughtfully.

"And 'Eren' is just a first name," Azu said, "But spelled funny."

"I like 'Ren'," Cel said, looking up and to the side, still half lost in thought. Then they turned suddenly back to everyone else, their face splitting in a grin. "'Mama', 'Baba', 'Dad', and 'Ren'. It's good."

"'Mama', 'Baba', '_Daddy'_, and 'Ren'," Zolf corrected. "She's not growing up _that _fast."

"I don't know," Hamid said, "She's definitely learning new things faster than my brothers did. And I don't think it's just that she's healing and eating more, now."

That was true, but Zolf still wished he'd managed to interrupt before Hamid could say it.

Azu seemed to be feeling the same thing. She moved, suddenly, to scoop Lily out of her carrier and swoop her up into her arms.

Lily squealed with delight, a loud, healthy sound that had even managed to break through Wilde's gloom yesterday, in spite of all odds.

"Do you wanna go to the kitchen with Mama?" Azu asked the baby, "Do you wanna go see what's for lunch?"

Lily squealed back, a high-pitched string of k sounds that were almost more lizard's chitter than proper babble, a new skill Lily seemed proud of.

Azu, to her credit, waited for that approval before striding off toward the kitchen, Hamid trotting along beside her.

"Renny made you a new formula, Lily!" he said, "You're gonna get to try some of Baba's favorite foods!"

"It's just 'Ren'!" Cel exclaimed, chasing after them. "_Just_ Ren!"

All of a sudden, Zolf was alone in the lab with Jasper.

The gnome came over and nudged him in the side with his elbow. "She's pretty lucky, isn't she?"

Zolf started, glancing down at him. "Ye- Uh - yeah."

"Cel's the _best_," he said.

"Yeah," Zolf answered, gazing back up and down the hall, where he suddenly couldn't make his feet follow the others. He didn't think it was a mechanical problem.

"The rest of you are too, you know," Jasper added kindly. "You're gonna save the town. And we'll still be here until you do. And _she_ will."

Zolf nodded absently. "She will, won't she?"

"Pretty sure that's _your _job. I'm not her dad."

"No," he said. "Yes. You're not - but I am."

It was... _something_ saying it out loud. Something different, even, than it had been to say he wanted to be called 'Daddy,' and to suggest what he'd suggested for the others.

"Yup!" Jasper answered, "So I guess you're lucky, too."

"D'you know what?" Zolf asked. "I think I am."

He patted the gnome on the shoulder and hustled off toward the kitchen to catch up with his family before he missed whatever face Lily made trying Cel's newest concoction.


	7. Chapter 7

**Epilogue**

Zolf wasn't sure if the most distressing part of riding on Azu's shoulders was how high up he was or how much he felt like their daughter, propped up there like a child.

Not that he had much of a choice, with half of his left leg stashed away in pieces in Cel's bag .

Either way, it was a relief to see the inn in front of them, rising up from the road.

A high keening noise announced Lily the second the door smashed open.

Hamid ran forward at full speed to meet her, sweeping her up into his arms in one smooth, practiced motion, and Zolf wondered, absently, if hefting their increasingly large toddler up all day was starting to give Hamid some actual muscles. It was always a relief to see how well she'd filled out, even though it wasn't new anymore.

"Baba!" Lily's voice carried clearly as she flung her arms around Hamid's neck, and Azu picked up the pace to catch up to them.

Lily stretched her neck, peering up over Hamid's head to look at the rest of them and held out her right hand toward them, making the familiar grabbing motion she always made when she wanted them nearer, just like she did when she wanted anything else.

"Nenenen!" she called, "Nenenen!"

Cel let out a big fake gasp. "Is that my girl?" They charged forward, wrapping both Hamid and Lily into a big hug. When they let go, Hamid turned toward where Azu and Zolf were taking up the rear, and the sun glinted off the scales around his eyes, an increasingly familiar sight these days, as he mirrored their daughter.

"Havvafing," Lily answered, her voice quieter and more serious as she looked into Cel's eyes, oblivious, for the moment, to Azu and Zolf catching up. "Founnapwesenh."

Cel gasped again. "A present?"

"Uh-huh."

"For me?"

"Founnih."

"You did?"

Lily nodded, holding out her left hand, which was balled up in a fist around something that was _definitely _too small for a child still given to putting things in her mouth that she shouldn't. Azu tensed under him and Zolf understood the feeling.

Cel held their hand out and Lily dropped a small metal washer into it.

"Pesen," she announced proudly.

"Where has Uncle Oscar been letting you go?" Zolf asked.

As if on cue, Wilde burst out the door. "Lily Ann Alexander! What have I told you about running out? Now you'll have to be quarantined again!"

Lily giggled devilishly, and Zolf fought back a smile. Wilde was many things, but what he _wasn't _was as angry as he sounded. Lily didn't have a middle name, and you could always tell how upset Wilde was by how many syllables the one he picked was when he yelled after her. 'Anna' would have been cause for more concern, and the one time they'd heard him shout 'Lily Elizabeth,' they'd all immediately come running to see what was wrong.

"At some point she really _will _need to learn that quarantine is supposed to be a bad thing," Zolf said mildly.

Wilde scowled at him from his usual pre-quarantine position 30 feet away, but said nothing, which was probably for the best.

Lily leaned her forehead happily against Hamid's. "We go cwomtee now, Baba?"

Hamid sighed. "Yes, habibti, we're going to quarantine now."

"Daddy bing book?"

"Yes, I'm sure Daddy's gonna bring your book."

She turned toward Azu and Zolf. "Daddy bing book," she ordered.

"Daddy's gonna bring _two_ books," Zolf said, "_I_ found one about a _princess_."

Wilde humphed and Zolf ignored him. Just because she needed to understand quarantine _later_ didn't mean he wasn't going to make the most of his uninterrupted time with her _now_. Not when she seemed bigger and older every time they made it back home from a mission.

As Lily turned to really look at Zolf and Azu, her face scrunched up in confusion. "Why Daddy up?" she demanded.

"Daddy's leg is broken," Hamid explained.

Lily's confusion turned into a frown. "No."

"Yeah, sweetheart, it is," Zolf said, "But it's ok. Nenenen's gonna work on it while we're in quarantine."

Her frown deepened. "No! Betteh _now_. Mama kiss bettew."

Azu shook her head, "That's not how this one works, kidege."

She tried to stomp her foot, but met only empty air. "Kiss bettew!"

Azu blushed. "Baby girl-"

Zolf sighed. "It's fine," he whispered under his breath.

He didn't feel anything as Azu pressed a kiss as far down his leg as she could, right up at the edge of his shattered mechanical knee. Her ears grew redder, but Lily seemed mollified.

"We go cwomteen," she said decisively. "Daddy bettew."

*****

Zolf's spare prosthetic was stiff and awkward, as always, and he limped heavily as he walked from the bathroom to the living room of the small, barred apartment they'd built as a replacement for the cell now that they were stationed here more permanently, and with a whole team. His wet hair dripped coldly down his neck where he hadn't taken the time to dry it properly, and he felt generally clumsy and damp and uncomfortable.

"Your turn, Hamid," he announced as he walked through the door.

"Thank goodness!" Hamid answered with a groan of relief, as if he didn't _already _look clean and polished and pristine. He was still hogging Lily, who was cuddled up against him with her head tucked under his chin, but at least Azu had been able to pull her usual trick of hauling them both, together, into her lap, the price Hamid routinely opted to pay for a little extra cuddle time.

Cel always complained that the tool kit stashed in one of the two bedrooms wasn't nearly enough for any kind of real work, and he wasn't particularly surprised to find them sitting in the living room fixing one of Lily's little toy autometa instead of his leg. They looked up at him with a nod, clearly distracted by the problem at hand, and he nodded back before they could look down again.

Hamid set Lily down on the floor so he could climb out of Azu's lap, and the toddler wrapped her arms quickly around one of Azu's legs in a tight hug and then dashed away, bolting straight for Zolf.

He scooped her up before she could knock him off his uneven feet, and she wrapped her surprisingly-strong toddler arms around his neck and kissed his cheek with a loud "Mwah!"

He gasped dramatically. "A kiss for me?"

"Daddy _bettew_."

"Yeah, I'm getting there, Lils."

She kissed his cheek again. "Bettew," she said contentedly.

He leaned his cheek against the side of her head. "Were you good for Uncle Oscar while we were gone?"

"Unkock," she answered, a name Wilde had tried and failed many times to get her to stop using.

"Uncle _Oscar_, Lil."

"K'ock."

Zolf fought back a laugh.

A few feet away, Cel lost the battle, snorting so hard he'd almost have thought it was a cough if he didn't know better.

"Uncle _Oscar_ says she kept sneaking into Cel's workshop," Azu said reprovingly.

Lily snuggled into Zolf's side, hiding her face in his damp beard.

"Did you go into Nenenen's workshop while we weren't home?"

Lily's answering whine was a yes.

"Did we tell you not to do that?"

Another soft whine. Another yes.

Zolf sighed. "Well, see, now you can't have any dessert this week. And we're gonna have to put your robot away when Nenenen finishes fixing it."

She whined again.

"I _know_, I don't like it either. But _you_ know it's not safe for you to be in there."

"Nnn," she grunted crankily.

"No, it isn't. And _I _think it's somebody's nap time," he commented.

Suddenly her head shot up, her eyes wide. "No! No nap."

"No? You're not sleepy?"

"Not seepy!"

"And you're gonna be a good girl and take a nap when you _are _sleepy?"

"Uh-huh."

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully, starting to make his awkward, halting way across the room to sit in the big armchair next to Azu's sofa, "Well, you don't need a nap, and you can't have your robot back, so I just don't know _what_ we're gonna do."

"Reea stowy!" she said, bouncing a little in his arms, as if all the rest was already forgotten, which, knowing her, it might be.

"I dunno. Azu, do you wanna hear a story?"

"Peeeeees!" Lily begged.

Azu's voice sounded like the smile she was holding back. "Yeah, I think maybe I could listen to a story."

"Stowy!"

"I _was_ curious about that princess," Cel said from their seat on the floor.

"Oh, well, if _you _were curious," Zolf answered, teasingly.

Lily shoved his shoulder, frowning. "Daddy," she said reproachfully, apparently figuring out he was teasing her.

He laughed. "Alright, Poppet, I'll go get your new book."

She wiggled to be let down, and he released her reluctantly, watching her race back to Azu and climb into her lap as he rooted through his bag to find the new book.

Hamid came back from his bath halfway through the first chapter, but neither Cel nor Azu moved to go next. He sat down quietly on the floor next to Azu, leaning his head gently against Lily's chubby little legs, dangling out of her mother's lap.

Zolf kept reading until Lily fell asleep halfway through the second chapter, her eyes drooping further and further until she sagged in Azu's arms and Azu smiled fondly down at her.

"I _told _her it was nap time," Zolf whispered.

"Stubborn," Azu answered fondly, also at a whisper.

"I'll take her," Hamid whispered, clambering to his feet and taking Lily from Azu as she handed her over. "Cel, did you want the next bath, or-"

"No, Azu can take it. I'll take one after her nap. Since _apparently_ I have to put this away." They picked up the miniature automata and waved it at Zolf.

"Well, I wasn't going to say no books," he whispered back defensively.

Cel tilted their head to the side, thoughtfully. "That's _fair,_" they said, a caveat certainly coming.

Zolf sighed, cutting them off. "_And_ you can take the room with the crib."

Cel grinned, looking like the cat who ate the canary. "Thank _you_!"

"But _I _get to cuddle her after bath time!" he added, more out of spite than anything.

Cel snorted. "We'll see about that."

"I guess we will."

Azu said nothing, but they all knew Lily gravitated toward her largest, cosiest parent any time she had any reason to be cold.

Hamid's face was still soft as he walked into the room, but then his brow furrowed as he studied the room. "Why are Zolf and Cel glaring at each other?"

"They're fighting over Lily," Azu said mildly, clearly unconcerned as she reached over the arm of the sofa to retrieve her breastplate and a polishing cloth, apparently stashed there earlier as part of her _own _bid for an armful of adoring baby kobold.

"We _have_ all week," Hamid said, chidingly.

"Yeah," Zolf agreed, "And that'll even _feel_ true tomorrow."

Hamid snorted. "There is that."

Cel sighed heavily, stretching their arms over their head and swaying side to side a little, their spine cracking as they did. "Yeah, well, Lily might not be the only one who needs a nap. We're always worse when we're tired."

Hamid hummed in agreement.

"Yeah, alright," Zolf agreed.

Cel glanced between him and Hamid. "Drag the other two cots into Lily's room?" they asked, raising an eyebrow.

For a moment, all three of them locked eyes.

"I'll stay up, in case Wilde has any more questions," Azu said from the sofa, already focused on cleaning her armor.

Zolf grinned wickedly, matching Cel's expression tooth for tooth.

Hamid moved faster than both of them and they hurried to catch up, Cel losing time as they scrambled up from the floor, but making up for it as Zolf limped unsteadily toward the door, not fully adjusted to the old leg yet.

*****

Zolf woke up suddenly from his nap when a new weight rocked the cot, and a tiny knee stabbed him in the kidney. He grunted in pain and let Lily crawl up his chest, pulling himself up on his elbows and lifting his head to look down at her.

"Daddy nap?" she asked, whispering.

"Yeah, Lils, Daddy's napping."

"Hmm-mm," she hummed, and he rearranged himself, sitting up farther so he could press a kiss to her forehead. She looked seriously into his eyes. "Snuggew?"

He grinned, wrapping his arms around her and rearranging them both slightly as he laid back down. "Yeah, baby. Come 'ere."

"Snuggew," she answered, content.

As she made her own adjustments and got settled, she kneed him in the stomach and elbowed him in the ribs,but then she was warm and solid and lax against his chest, her thick little short baby arms wrapping around as much of him as she could reach, and he could hear her breathing slow down and even out, sinking into a deep sleep in spite of all her assurances that she hadn't been sleepy.

Well. That would show Cel and Hamid-the-baby-hog.

He drifted back off to sleep, perversely happy to be stuck in quarantine, and with every intention of sneaking Lily a little bit of dessert tomorrow night, secure in the knowledge that the others would be doing the same, anyway. It was good to be home.

**Author's Note:**

> And it's done! Thanks to @roswyrm for pushing me to actually write this! Their fic on the same concept, Born With Fire & Gold in Our Eyes, is very good and if you want more sweet, sweet accidentally-acquired-baby shenanigans, you should 100% check it out.
> 
> Also! I have made use of Google Translate in parts of this fic. Please feel free to correct anything that has come out as Just Blatant Nonsense, or otherwise Not Correct down in the comments and I'll fix it!


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